Life isn’t a bed of roses after all. Although I had known this for a very long time, deep inside I had expected my share of happiness. All of my fantasies, all of my dreams and all the plans I had of a beautiful future with people precious to me shattered when I realized life isn’t always about happy and cheerful times. Relationships are very delicate, I realized. There are ups and downs, mostly downs I presume.
Sometimes I wish I could
go back to living my life carefree. I miss those days when I did not have to
care about who loved me or missed me. I did not have to worry about being
possessive of someone else or fight over small things. Those late-night calls
and messages, I wish I did not have to wait for. Life back then was memorable;
a very peaceful and fun filled life.
Now when I look at
myself, I feel I have lost a part of me that defined me so well. I have ceased
to become an independent and bold lady that I was a few years back. I cannot
drive a car confidently, I cannot drink (for a bit of enjoyment), I have gained
weight and most importantly, I have become one boring lady who knows nothing
about life and fun. I cannot blame anyone for this. I chose this for myself.
When I was single, I
would envy married couples. I would always wonder what would it be like to be
in love and spend the rest of your life with that one person you love. Spending
time together, watching movies, going on a trip and a romantic dinner date,
every thought of it would excite me. Well, I had fantasized a lot taking
inspiration from movies. But! Life isn’t a movie and there isn’t always a happy
moment.
I belief that for every
relation to succeed and last, one need to learn to compromise and make
sacrifices. I say this through my personal experience and trust me it isn’t at
all an easy journey. I set out to venture this journey with lots of hope and
excitement inside me, but gradually I realized it isn’t an easy one. If you let
your ego and stubbornness take its toll, “BOOM” your relationship just ends
there and maybe you might have made the right choice, but sometimes ending
everything without a second thought and not a single effort from your end to
make things right can be a very heavy burden to the heart for the rest of your
life.
For now, I am going with
the flow. I am accepting everything that is coming my way. Life is hard, but I
cannot be selfish to be thinking only about my happiness. When you marry, you don’t
just marry a person, you marry everything that is a part of his/her life. You got
to respect everything and everyone. You got to accept it.
Amidst everything, I am
trying to revive myself. I am trying to bring back that energetic and fun-loving
lady I was in the past but not compromising my responsibilities as a daughter, as a wife and as a daughter-in-law. And the very first step I made is by writing this in my
blog after ages.
