Monday, May 10, 2021

Feelings penned down

So I pen this down,

The emotions that's been pricking my heart,

The feelings that's been haunting me through the night,

The silence I've been carrying inside.

I pen down everything that's made my heart so heavy I could barely breathe.

I pen down on the soaked up pillows and swollen eyes,

On the heart that cried itself to sleep every night,

On the lonely nights I've spent wishing you were near,

While you were out of my sight somewhere very far...


                                                                                         - Gayleg Dema

Friday, February 19, 2021

To my Parents

Dear Apa and Ama,

I realized I have not thanked you enough for everything you did for the sake of my happiness and securing my future. I have not thanked you enough for making me a strong and independent lady that I am today.

Often, we forget that our parents are aging with time and so is their emotions. We forget their sacrifices and hardships and how they had to put up with our childish tantrums. Maybe I was too young back then to understand and maybe I am too old now to realize this, but I just want to say ‘Thank you’ for everything.

Kids grow up and settle down. They are too busy raising their own, building their own family, and amidst all these, they forget about their aging parents. Come to think of it, how could they? Now that we are capable, it is time for us to be at their service, fulfill their needs and understand that they need us more now than anything, of course they would not express it aloud but we need to understand. It is our moral responsibility.

Apa and Ama, if I give you something out of love, do not feel guilty or bad, I am no stranger. It is my way of expressing my love to you. It is my responsibility to take care of you and fulfill your needs. You gave me good education, guided me through my rough times and gave me everything I asked for, I shall forever be indebted to you. Nothing in the world will be enough to repay your love and kindness. I cannot run away from my responsibility in the name of living a separate life or raising my own family. For me you will always be a priority just as I was yours.

Sometimes I may not be in my right mind; I may make mistakes, but please forgive me. No matter how lost I may be, I will eventually find my way back to you. I know, you know this, so please keep the same faith in me, I will make you proud of me one day.

 

With love


Your Daughter

Friday, November 13, 2020

Finding my old self

 Life isn’t a bed of roses after all. Although I had known this for a very long time, deep inside I had expected my share of happiness. All of my fantasies, all of my dreams and all the plans I had of a beautiful future with people precious to me shattered when I realized life isn’t always about happy and cheerful times. Relationships are very delicate, I realized. There are ups and downs, mostly downs I presume.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to living my life carefree. I miss those days when I did not have to care about who loved me or missed me. I did not have to worry about being possessive of someone else or fight over small things. Those late-night calls and messages, I wish I did not have to wait for. Life back then was memorable; a very peaceful and fun filled life.

Now when I look at myself, I feel I have lost a part of me that defined me so well. I have ceased to become an independent and bold lady that I was a few years back. I cannot drive a car confidently, I cannot drink (for a bit of enjoyment), I have gained weight and most importantly, I have become one boring lady who knows nothing about life and fun. I cannot blame anyone for this. I chose this for myself.

When I was single, I would envy married couples. I would always wonder what would it be like to be in love and spend the rest of your life with that one person you love. Spending time together, watching movies, going on a trip and a romantic dinner date, every thought of it would excite me. Well, I had fantasized a lot taking inspiration from movies. But! Life isn’t a movie and there isn’t always a happy moment.

I belief that for every relation to succeed and last, one need to learn to compromise and make sacrifices. I say this through my personal experience and trust me it isn’t at all an easy journey. I set out to venture this journey with lots of hope and excitement inside me, but gradually I realized it isn’t an easy one. If you let your ego and stubbornness take its toll, “BOOM” your relationship just ends there and maybe you might have made the right choice, but sometimes ending everything without a second thought and not a single effort from your end to make things right can be a very heavy burden to the heart for the rest of your life.

For now, I am going with the flow. I am accepting everything that is coming my way. Life is hard, but I cannot be selfish to be thinking only about my happiness. When you marry, you don’t just marry a person, you marry everything that is a part of his/her life. You got to respect everything and everyone. You got to accept it.

Amidst everything, I am trying to revive myself. I am trying to bring back that energetic and fun-loving lady I was in the past but not compromising my responsibilities as a daughter, as a wife and as a daughter-in-law. And the very first step I made is by writing this in my blog after ages.

 

 

Friday, October 16, 2020

Untitled

 She closed her eyes,

Took a stroll to the days that made her happy, she smiled!

She closed her eyes,

Saddened by the days she lost what was precious to her heart..

She closed her eyes yet again,

No back, no forth,

She closed her eyes tight,

For a better vision, for a better story,

She closed her eyes...

Her Cry

She did not want to be extraordinary,

Or an exception..

She did not wish for a miracle,

Or be treated like a princess..

She just wanted to be understood,

And cared for,

Nothing more than a mere human being..

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

A hearts’ call

And sometimes when I feel low,
I would want you to be there for me,
I would want you to tell me I am not alone,
And that you’d lend me your shoulder to lean on to.
I would want you to hug me tight,
And tell me everything will be okay
That you’re here, right beside me..

Just sometimes when I am not myself,
I need you to tell me it’s alright,
That It’s completely alright to lose control sometimes..
I need you to kiss me on my forehead,
And tell me you’ll never leave,
That you’ll hold me tight and not let go..

Tell me I am not alone, and that I deserve to be happy.
Tell me that you need me,
That we are meant to be and this is not a dream,

Tell me! All that I need to hear, Just tell me..

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Someone, Somewhere

Perhaps there’s another me,
Somewhere out there,
Having exactly the same feeling as me..
Somewhere out there, someone as helpless as me..

Perhaps there’s someone,
Who’s sometimes lost and broken and lonely,
Looking for ways to keep going,
To keep moving but somehow stuck,
Stuck with the memories bygone,
Beautiful but painful memories..

Perhaps there’s someone out there,
Someone alike me, 
Weak and vulnerable and broken...

Feelings penned down

So I pen this down, The emotions that's been pricking my heart, The feelings that's been haunting me through the night, The silence ...