Monday, July 6, 2015

Of Dejection and Hatred

“I am longing for a good break from all the stress and work!!!”
 Sometimes loaded with a lot of emotions and hassles of life, I find myself suffering from anxiety. I don’t like going to my workplace, I can’t concentrate on anything, and I feel drowsy and low.

I have lost my zeal and enthusiasm to work. I find myself drowning into a deep feeling of dejection. Though surrounded by a lot of people, so-called friends, relatives, and colleagues I find myself lost in a world where there is nothing but a never ending misery. 

Negative vibes out ran all the positivity inside me. I’ve started getting mad on everything little things, I’ve started complaining a lot and of all I’ve started wanting to run away far from the reach of everything. 

I’m afraid I may run into depression. I am just so sick of everything. All I need is a little break. I want to go somewhere far, take a nap, where I can find the peace and happiness I deserve. 

Isn’t there anyone to understand my plight? Isn’t there anyone to help me find my share of happiness? Isn’t there a place where I can find peace?

My dear beloved people, I don’t get mad for nothing. I just have so many things stuffed inside of me. So many words unspoken; silences and agony rooted within. At times I wonder if I can ever fight these emotions. Will I lose or will I win? Sometimes I just don’t find the stamina to fight anything. I’ve just turned lethargic, like a mere walking dead. I am tired! I am tired of my daily boring life and it’s suffocating me. 

I am sleep deprived lately. No wonder I go drowsy and tired the whole day. My love for social networking is long gone; I have many a times wanted to deactivate all my accounts and cut all my connections. I have many a times wanted to lock myself in a room and shout my heart out. Am I deprived of a free and good life? Am I deprived of an independent life or am I just hallucinating everything? 

I just wish I could leave everything and run away afar. If granted a wish, I would wish for a little time to find myself and my priorities. I would want to fight this negative emotion that’s ruining my life. 

Everything is drifting apart and I am carried away by the thought of how my life is going to be hence. Will I conquer? Or will I remain forever with this feeling of dejection?
How do I find my mental peace and go back to being my old self? All of these are but an enigma, a mystery I’m trying to unlock.

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