Monday, July 4, 2016

Confused Creature

Why did you have to me make me so fragile and delicate? I am afraid I’m breaking into pieces. You must have run out of resources when creating me or perhaps you thought I was capable.
Why did you have to make me look so pathetic? I think I’m just going to die being nothing less than a coward.
Why did it have to be me? Why am I always misunderstood? Did u perhaps forget something? Or you just did this on purpose? 

I don’t even have the guts to commit suicide or to harm myself in any way. I thought this life was a gift from you but you made me so flimsy and feeble I’m not able to cope. Your gift is way too much to accept, at least to a world like this.

Should I be happy? You created me this way and you made me so soft and sensitive. I don’t think I belong to this world. There is no softness here; there is no room for sensitive people like me. You probably made a mistake sending me here; it should have been another world.
Oh Lord! There is nothing you can do now. It cannot be undone; I cannot leave this place now, not until I put an end to it myself. But I am not strong. I don’t have the courage to end this and I don’t have the nerve to go against the law of creation. 

I will spread my arms and embrace everything. You can take me to the world I belong to or give me the strength to fight this. Being flawless is exceptional, I do not wish for it. You know I feel suffocated, strangled by my own flaws I feel tortured. 

What got into you when creating me? Did you really think I could manage? Or are you punishing me for some reason? I know I’m not good enough but that’s how you made me. I am your creation and I find you within me. Do you also share the same pain?

This is getting more difficult. I feel lost in the labyrinth of my own thoughts, and I feel weak.
Dear God, your creations are amazing. I am glad you made me, although with much of sensitivity but I still respect you. I wish you understand me. I wish you help me get out of this and show me the right path.

Being Humble

“My dad always reminds me to stay humble and honest in whatever I do. He believes in integrity and equality and insists I follow the same path.”

Dear dad, the world today is different. A lot of things changed and a lot of people as well. Today, nobody follows the path you always insist me to and staying quite doesn’t work here. In your days, truth was respected and rewarded; there was a healthy working environment.
In my case I am suffocating dear daddy. I am still following your words. I am humble and listen to whatever my superior says. I don’t talk back or disobey. I am trying to be a good person here but I think I am loosing myself. 

I do all my work with dedication; no dues, no pending work and yet I am never recognized or acknowledged. I don’t say anything, because I respect your words. People look down on me, embarrass me and never respect my feeling. I feel suffocated and trapped, yet I don’t spit a single word.

My emotions are strangling me. I have never spoken anything and kept it inside me I’m going to die. Dear daddy, how did you manage such a thing? How could you not fight back against wrong doings? Or perhaps you weren’t bullied. Perhaps you were respected more for being obedient and rewarded for your good work. 

It’s getting difficult. Holding in and not being able to speak out is killing me. I am loosing grip over my life, and living with a heart as weak as mine is worse. Should I keep going? 

No matter how I try, I cannot gather courage, to say ‘No’ or say ‘This is wrong’. I’m struggling to open up and fight for my rights. Dear Apa, I think I am failing. I’m failing as a good daughter, a good friend and as a good human. I think I’m just going to die with that.

I am fighting with my emotions; please give me the strength to endure everything; give me the courage to keep going and not give up on this beautiful life you gave me. I respect you still with all my heart.

Forever Your Daughter: With Love and Respect